The Life of Linewife

"Where is Riley?"

"Will he be home for the holidays?"...

If I had a dollar for every time I was asked either of these questions, I'd be able to retire before I turn fifty. To be completely honest, 90% of the time, I couldn't even provide a solid answer for those questions. That's how unpredictable his job is.

So, why do we do it? Why do we choose this lifestyle over and over again? And what sacrifices do we make that outsiders don't see? More million dollar questions---but these ones I can actually answer.

When Riley and I first started dating, he warned me about this lifestyle; but I wouldn't listen. You see, back then my priorities were very different from what they are now. In 2019, I was very career driven; and didn't have any plans on starting a family any time soon. Of course, as over the years, those priorities have shifted tremendously. Now, my top priority is to raise a strong, fearless, and loving daughter. I prioritize family time over working overtime. Making money and moving up the career ladder is no longer the focal point it once was...and that's ok. However, when priorities changed, the sacrifices seemed overwhelmingly bigger than before.

Growing up, my father was a rancher (still is); so, hard work was never a stranger to me, but distance has always been my worst enemy. My dad worked long hours and, although he may have been a few minutes late sometimes to our sporting events and extra curriculars, he was always there. Our mom sacrificed college and her time working to be a stay at home mom for several years. My grandma and cousins lived across the road from us; and the furthest a family member had moved away was to Minnesota (well until we moved to Utah).

Unfortunately, distance and travel are all a part of the territory for a lineman and his family. So, if I was so accustomed to proximity, how did we make this work? It's been tough. There were lots of arguments over why he had to leave (especially during my pregnancy). The biggest one being, when he was sent out of state for work in the midst of a stormy winter just eight days before my due date. We argued, not because he didn't want to be home with me but because of a decision the company made. Thankfully, he was able to get home safely less than 12 hours before I gave birth. He was there for the birth of his daughter and that's what mattered the most to me.

During that time, Riley was able to come home for about a week and help me get accustomed to this new lifestyle called parenting. I'll be honest we had NO idea what the heck we were doing, but we were trying our best. The first night home we both got a whopping 30 minutes of sleep. The second night, we got smart and went in shifts... I slept from 11pm-2am and he slept from 2am-5am. It was an adjustment, but we made it work. I even recall waking up for my shift and came out to a sleeping baby while Riley was in the middle of the living room lifting weights and watching TV. When asked why, he simply stated, "she wouldn't fall asleep and I was so I drank an energy drink and now she's sleeping and I can't." All I could do was laugh. But it wasn't always like this. Eventually sleep deprivation combined with this new lifestyle led us to many arguments along the way.

On top of sleep deprivation, the feeling of isolation began to set in. We had Stormee just a week before Thanksgiving, so we decided to skip the holiday and spend time just the three of us in our little apartment. Not to mention, she was born in 2021 so the year before that was the "earth-shattering" COVID year. It had been 2 years since I spent time with family on Thanksgiving; for me, that was a long time. It wasn't bad, but I missed my extended family tremendously. We went from spending almost every holiday together as we grew up to maybe seeing each other once every few years. And I know, it's all apart of growing up; but I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't suck.

Fast forward to the spring of 2022 when we moved to Utah. I was a stranger to the stay at home mom lifestyle and was 13 hours away from all I ever knew. Riley was home the first few weeks, but then took another job that moved him out to Arizona (6-9 hours away from home) we went a few months before we saw each other again. I was a new mom. In a new house. In a new state. With no new friends. Talk about isolation.

Alone time was never really my strong suit, but I had to get familiar with it whether I was ready or not. As time progressed, I began to find out more and more about myself. Instead of staying in the house wallowing in self-pity, I decided to take action and step outside my comfort zone. I found new hobbies for Storm and I to enjoy together. The two biggest ones that completely changed my outlook were going to the gym and joining a playgroup. The gym has always been an escape for me mentally, so it was nice when we found a gym with a reliable daycare---I am beyond thankful to those ladies who work there for being so good with Stormee.

Joining the playgroup was a little out of my comfort zone. Since becoming a mom, I've grown to be more antisocial than I used to be. But, I came to realize that these individuals are moms just like I am looking for some adult interaction. They're all in the same boat and it made me realize that we are all very lucky that our spouses work hard so we can enjoy time with our babies. However, it doesn't mean that we are immune to stress, anxiety, and the excruciating mom guilt. Why? Because at the end of the day we are all human.

The only difference was that most of these moms had husbands who were home every night; and, if they did travel, it was only for a day or two. It made me realize that Riley and I don't live the ideal lifestyle regardless of what other people think. Most people think that we have it so great because he makes decent money and I get to be home all the time, but they fail to understand that with it, comes sacrifices. I sacrifice a job and extra income and he sacrifices time with his daughter. He misses those milestones that I get to engage in with her. Her first steps, her first words, making new friends...all things that he doesn't get to witness. You see, I can always get money back and make more as she grows older; but time....time doesn't slow down or stop for any of us and we can never get it back. That's the hardest part.

Now, we do what works best for us. With Riley traveling we didn't think it would be fair for Stormee to only see one of us for 3 hours a day; nor was it the right fit for us financially. At one point we even considered the tramping lifestyle. One where we would travel in a camper alongside her dad and stay wherever he went, but with everything changing, I felt the need to have a secured home-base where I could be myself and live a normal life---well as normal as we possibly could. Selfishly, I wanted the comfort of having on stable object in my life-- a home.

I say selfishly because I didn't predict Stormee grasping the concept of leaving so quickly. As a mom it's hard to see your baby cry for her dad when he comes home and has to leave again. And as a spouse, it's hard to see your fiancee hug his baby goodbye each time. So, if there's so many negatives, why do we do it?

We do it so we can travel with him when we want to and see new places--even if the destination isn't appealing. We do it so we can watch our daughter's face light up on Christmas day as she opens her presents. We do it so that she can go visit her grandparents in North Dakota and Virginia. We do it so that she enjoys the little things in life. And, we do it so she learns that not everything or everyone is a guaranteed constant in her life. That's one thing I wish I would have learned early on.

The one thing through it all that IS a constant in her life, is that her daddy and I love her unconditionally--- no matter how close or far away we are. Is it always rainbows and sunshine? No. Do we fight? Absolutely. Is it difficult? 100% But most importantly...is it worth it when it teaches us to value our time together and learn new things? ABSOLUTELY. In a picture perfect world, we would be together 24/7, but that isn't always the case--so we work with the cards we are dealt. Our lifestyle may be different, but it's not wrong. So the next time you see me and ask me where he is, I'm just gonna smile and say he's out providing the best life he can for us. It might be hard now, but in the long run, it will provide a brighter future for Stormee and that's our top priority. She'll remember the time mom spent coloring and playing with her. She'll remember all the good times she had traveling with her daddy. Most importantly she will always be reminded of how loved she truly is...because with great sacrifice comes great reward.

-Sincerely,

The adapting mom!