To the Expecting First-Time Mom
You don't know it yet because you are grieving the loss of the old you. The you that didn't work around anyone else's schedule. You're grieving the energetic you that used to go to the gym, work a full-time job and maybe even a second part-time job. You're anxious because you don't know what to expect. Will this baby be healthy? What if the baby isn't healthy? How will I take care of a baby?
All of these feelings make you endure extreme guilt for not sitting back and just living in the moment. You want to enjoy your pregnancy and all the lessons it teaches you, but you can't help but worry. You feel guilty because you know there are others out there who would do anything to be in your shoes; but they can't because they've suffered from a miscarriage or infertility. It doesn't mean you aren't grateful; but it also doesn't mean you are immune to these feelings. And that's ok! Everyone deals with it differently.
So, when will you know that you are fit to be a mom? You'll know it when you feel that first kick because an active baby is a healthy baby. This means you are doing everything in your power to provide the proper nutrients for your little one to grow.
You'll know it when you hear the first heartbeat because a beating heart makes the experience a reality. You feel this overwhelming joy in your heart when you hear it. You helped develop that heartbeat.
You'll know it when you go to the first ultrasound because you get to see your baby move around, feeling your protection in his or her comfort zone. You get to see the progression of your little one as he or she develops ten little fingers and ten tiny toes.
You'll know it when you are on your way to the hospital, scared for labor, but excited to finally meet your precious little love for the first time. You will be uncomfortable, but you know it will all be worth it when you see your significant other by your bedside, encouraging you to keep going.
You'll know it when you hear the first cry, and the nurse lays your beautiful blessing on your chest for the first time. Suddenly all those fears and emotions from before transform into an overflowing river of love--a love that you never knew existed until now.
Once you bust out of the hospital, that drive home feels like a clean slate. It's a new chapter of life as you learn how to navigate the peaks and valleys of motherhood. It doesn't come with a manual--although we wish it did. Don't worry, you and your baby will learn as you go.
There will be lessons, milestones, and, unfortunately, some trips to the doctor's office, but that's how we grow together. Sleep deprivation is inevitable, and schedules are pretty much non-existent, but that's what we sign up for.
Don't worry. You will be a pro in no time. I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Just trust me on this. The bond between a mother and baby is unbreakable. And, when you are up during the wee hours of the night feeding and snuggling your little blessing, you'll know. Cherish it because it goes by quick.
When you hear them crying out at night, searching for you for comfort, you'll realize that you are their peace. They're adjusting too, mama. That's why it's so important for you to realize that you are fit to be a mom. God wouldn't give you this baby if you weren't ready. He knows you are a good fit for each other. So please, trust the process and take it one day at a time. Before you know it, that little baby won't be so dependent on you. Before you know it, they will be crawling, then walking, then running...maybe even talking back. Then, one day they will say the magic words, "I love you mama!" and you'll know you've done your job well.
From one first-time mom to another, it's all worth it!
-Shawnee Unruh
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