New Year, New Mom!

It's that time of year again. That's right...we have officially made it to the New Year. It's the time of year where our Facebook is flooded with the saying, "New Year, New Me"---in hopes that, if we document it on the Internet, it will hold true. Typically, these resolutions only last about a month or so and then we revert back to our old ways. After all, we tend to be creatures of habit.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with setting new goals for yourself, but there is a difference between an attainable goal and an unrealistic goal. Attainable goals are altered to fit your lifestyle; meaning it is sustainable over a long period of time. Meanwhile, an unrealistic goal is more or less an expectation of yourself; the mindset, in this case, is more of a "do it, or else" vibe. 

As moms, we tend to fall into the latter category. Every day, we wake up with expectations. Expectations to be a better mom, complete our to-do list, and look a certain way to fit in with the standards that society sets. If we fail to meet those expectations, then we fall into the trap of comparison---the thief of joy. So, how do we avoid this trap? We start by setting realistic goals (resolutions). So, moms, listen up! Because I'm going to help you set more attainable goals for 2023. 

Goal #1: Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Moms

Easier said than done, right? But it is possible; and you will learn to love yourself along the way. When you compare yourself to others, you set yourself up for failure. Because, in your eyes, you will never be "good enough". Comparison highlights the beauty in others and accentuates the flaws that you see within yourself. 

For example, that mom that appears to "have it all together" is actually hanging on by a thread. Sure, to you she may look beautiful, skinny, financially stable and her kids always seem well-behaved. Little do you know she struggles with body image, works two jobs just to get by, and is going through a divorce. Her kids aren't perfect---and neither is she (and that's ok). 

Instead of comparing yourself to her, try creating a gratitude journal. A gratitude journal will help you identify the good in your life---leading to a positive mindset. Each day, write down three things you are grateful for and why. This can be as simple as your house, your kids, your spouse, etc. Over time, you will develop compassion for others and nourish the positive self-talk in your head.

Goal #2: Embrace the Skin You're In

One of the biggest things that we tend to compare to others is our bodies. Every day, we wake up and glance in the mirror dwelling over our insecurities. Our loose skin, scars, and stretch marks are viewed as "gross" because the world has brainwashed us into believing that beauty consists of one definition...."skinny is beautiful". But what about words like strong, resilient, and healthy? Strong is beautiful. Resilience is beautiful. Healthy is beautiful.

Mama, your body just spent the last nine to ten months growing a tiny human. Your body nourished, protected, and loved a tiny seed to life. Of course, your body will look different than before. Your scars, stretch marks, and loose skin tell a wonderful story about the female body and how much it endures during pregnancy. Don't tell me that that isn't strong, resilient, healthy, or beautiful. Instead of being insecure, learn to love your body because it gave you the greatest gift(s) of all time---gifts that others would give anything to receive. It may never go back to your idea of "normal" or "beautiful" because healing is different for everyone. Even if it doesn't, embrace it because it did an amazing thing.

 Goal #3: Make Time for Self-Care

In addition to embracing your new body, make time for self-care. You're not selfish for putting yourself near the top of your list mama. In fact, it would be harder on your kids if you didn't. They deserve a happy, healthy mom. 

As moms, we often push ourselves to the bottom of our list. We have so many chores to do around the house, appointments to go to, school events and extracurriculars to attend. Then, when we aren't doing those things, we are cooking, bathing the kids, or getting prepared for the next day. (Nevermind that we also need to find time for our spouses). Before we know it, it's time for bed and we have spent so much of our day taking care of others that we forgot about ourselves. Eventually we run out of energy and it's like pouring from an empty glass. We feel we have nothing left to give; no patience left for nonsense. Don't let your glass get empty, mama. Go to the gym, treat yourself to a spa day, go for a walk, go shopping...anything. Your mental health is vital to your kids' happiness. 

Goal #4: Learn to Ask for Help

Sometimes self-care takes a back seat because there's just not enough time in the day. If you find yourself searching for time, ask for help. This is something I had to learn the hard way. When we moved to Utah, I was too scared to ask others for help. Why? Because I felt like I would be bothering them....and I hate bothering other people. You may feel that way too because moms think they have to do it all or else they aren't doing enough. 

Building a community that you can rely on when you need help is so important. You never know when an emergency will happen so it's nice to have some backup. Asking for help allows you to recharge. Trust me, any mom will understand if you need assistance--whether it's for a job interview, work, or you just need to shower alone or take a nap. Odds are, they have been there before.

Goal #5: Be Present

When you're a mom it's easy to get caught up in the chaos and lose sight of what's truly important. In a world where technology is so refined, we find ourselves paying more attention to our phones and computers. We tend to forget that life is still happening around us. 

As moms, we only get 18 years before our babies grow up and move out. That may seem like a long time, but that's only 18 summers, 18 birthdays, 18 Christmases, etc. That's it. It goes by so fast. So, instead of playing games on your phone or scrolling social media, I encourage you to put the phone down. Enjoy the infant phase. Enjoy the sleepless nights (sounds crazy right?). Enjoy the snuggle sessions and the cartoons. Play with them. Be present. Before you know it, those sleepless nights, snuggle sessions, tea parties, snow days, will be a thing of the past. 

Goal #6: Embrace the Mess

Along with the sleepless nights, tea parties, snow days, etc. comes the mess. Ahhh yes....the mess. A sight that us moms are all too familiar with. No matter how many times we throw laundry in the machine, wash dishes, and put away toys, it never fails. We spend so much time cleaning up after everyone else that we forget to be present. 

If you're like me, clutter makes my anxiety skyrocket. Every night, after my daughter goes to bed, I spend some time cleaning the kitchen and living room; and yet, I ask myself why, it's just going to get messed up the next day. But then I realize why. It gives me a sense of accomplishment if I at least got one room in the house clean before the end of the day. 

Don't get me wrong the sense of accomplishment feels great; but then I step back and realize, the mess isn't always so bad. It just means the space is lived in. Somedays, us moms forget that. While we work so hard to ensure our child has the best life, memories are made amidst the chaos. Those books scattered on the floor represent a growing brain at story time, the activity table in the middle of the floor encourages critical thinking, and those crayons scrambled all over inspire creativity. So, even though it looks like a mess to outsiders, embrace it---because a messy house portrays a world of exploration for our littles. 

Goal #7: Leave the Mom-Guilt Behind

Yep, I said it. You are not selfish for doing what's best for you or your family. You are not crazy for living in chaos. And, you are not a bad mom, no matter what piece of unsolicited advice others give you. Sadly mom-guilt does come with the territory. We feel selfish for buying ourselves new clothes or getting our hair done. We feel unorganized for not having a spotless house or car. And we don't need "Karens" telling us about the things that we should be doing with our children.

We already feel the pressure to "be perfect". We already feel selfish for having a mental breakdown during the week. But remember...we are all just trying our best to get by. If the most you got done in one day is to shower and feed the kids, then that is just fine. Tomorrow's another day---another opportunity to get things done. I don't know about you, but I'd rather look back and say I made the most of every moment with my child when she was young. I didn't worry about what outsiders thought because I was too busy making memories with my girl. So please, let's leave the mom-guilt in 2022.

Goal #8: Give Yourself Grace

Leaving the mom-guilt behind can be easier said than done. I urge you to try your best to get rid of it this year; but, if for some reason you can't, remember to give yourself some grace. There will be times that your buttons will get pushed and you will yell; and---you can't control what pieces of advice others will try to offer you, but, when that time comes, try to remind yourself that you are doing the best you can and that is more than enough. 

You are human, mama. You aren't perfect and neither are those you compare yourself to. You deserve self-care; and it's ok to need some help every once in a while. So, stop comparing yourself, stop being afraid to reach out to others, stop putting yourself last, and stop feeling selfish for taking care of yourself; and start embracing the mess, learn to live in the moment, and give yourself the grace that you so desperately deserve. 

Now, don't let these resolutions overwhelm you. It's a lot to take in and adjust to. Even if you can't muster up the courage to do it all at once, start small. Start by picking one thing each month and slowly add in the others on your own timeframe; but please, mama, make these resolutions a priority. Once you do, I'm sure you'll find that these New Year's resolutions are a lot more attainable than the expectations we set for ourselves year in and year out. 

Best wishes and best of luck! And here's to your 2023 New Year's resolution...A "New Year, New Mom!"

Cheers!